


In Search of Happiness

by LluminateCrystal



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Gen, Minor love, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-11-24 01:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18159800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LluminateCrystal/pseuds/LluminateCrystal
Summary: Neru has never found herself to be happy. No matter how many events she goes to, the amount of friends she has, or the amount of songs she sings, she never found happiness. And it’s all she could ask for.Until one day, a voice started reaching out to Neru, saying that she will help her find happiness. She agrees, but under a dire consequence...





	In Search of Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this without proof reading, so I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes.

Everyone laid on the floor in their pjamas, some wrapped in blankets, others eating food, and the rest, sleeping. The girls were having a sleepover at SeeU’s after a success with her duo concert with Uni. They were playing Truth or Dare at the moment, and Mayu got asked the question, “If you played Spin the bottle, who is the first person you would want it to point to?” It only took a few seconds for her to come up with an answer.

”Oh, Yukari.” she said in a casual tone, painting Yukari’s face a bright shade of red.

”W-wait, what?! W-why?!” Yukari stuttered, taken aback from Mayu’s unexpected answer.

”Boys become more distasful the more you aim for them. I’m bi, you’re the only one in this room I really trust, and if there was a competition of who the cutest girl in the world is, you’d be first place.” Mayu explained. Yukari buried her face deep in her pillow and Ia patted her shoulder. Some girls laughed while others ooed at what sounded like Mayu roasting Miku. A lot of people thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

”Damn, she got you there Miku.” Teto said, laughing a little. Miku laughed too.

”Aww, come on! I know I’m not  _that_ pretty!” 

“I mean,” SeeU started, getting the girls’ attention, “every single time you smile, it spells ‘I did your parents last night, and I’m not sorry’.” Rin threw her arms up in success and Miku’s jaw dropped.

”BLESSED I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!” Rin exclaimed, leaving the group laughing.

”It does? No way...” Miku thought out loud. Mayu cleared her throat.

“Excuse me ladies, but I’m pretty sure it’s my turn to ask the question.” she announced. Everyone went silent. Mayu looked around the room, trying to decide who to ask. She wanted to ask Yukari, but she felt bad for putting her too much on the spot, with her facing away drinking water while Ia comforted her, face still red. Mayu decided that she wanted to ask somebody new. Someone who hasn’t been asked at all the entire night. She narrowed it down and chose “Neru.”

”What?” Neru lifted her deadpan face, confused as to why her name was said. She wasn’t paying attention throughout the entire game, and was instead slowly eating a cupcake, zoning everything out.

”Truth or dare?” Realizing what was going on, Neru attempted a little more facial expression.

”Oh. Truth, obviously!” Neru smirked and squinted at Mayu as if to tease her for asking, but nobody knew much about Neru, so it didn’t make sense to do so.

”Who’s your lover, and have you been sexting?” Random, unsynchronized ohs filled the room. Neru stayed in character and smiled wider. 

“Jokes on you, I don’t have a lover!” The roomed filled with ooes again.

”Oof, I felt that.” Teto said, grabbing a piece of bread.

”Okay, but are you a virgin?” Mayu asked.

”It’s my turn to ask the questions Troom Troom.” Neru remarked. Mayu dropped her jaw.

”At least my hair doesn’t look like vomited lemonade!” Yukari spat out her water.

”Maybe you just haven’t found the right person. I know a couple—“ Miku started.

”Oh my god Miku, everyone wants to date you!” Rin interrupted. ”I bet most of the calls you get aren’t even your coworkers.”

”Hey Miku,” Ia started.

”This is Scarlett.” everyone but Miku and Teto finished and then burst out laughing. Miku sighed with a smile.

”Okay, fair. But I’m saying maybe you should be more social. I know a lot of loids from around the world looking for a mate.” Neru only stared.

”Well, Miku, some of us don’t learn Mandarin for views.” Miku raised an eyebrow.

”But you know Mandarin. Because of me.” Neru made a face.

”Stop nagging me!” she said in a high pitched voice. Everyone laughed and she laughed too. But it wasn’t because she thought it was funny, or because she was happy. It was simply because everyone else was doing it, and she wanted to be in character. The person she was being that night was not her. Because Neru Akita didn’t know how to feel.

* * *

 All her life, Neru never knew how to feel. She was always told to act a certain way, to smile, to appreciate what she had. She always acted the way people wanted her to, but she never truly felt the way she pretended to feel. Deep down inside, she felt nothing.  

She learned how to pretend with her friends and her brother. She learned how to act, how to smile, how to seem like a human. At first, she thought nothing was wrong with her, until she got bullied for acting like a wallflower. So she played a long game of pretend, and nobody knew she was winning. The only thing that would have given her away was her eyes. It didn’t matter how good she was with facial expressions, her eyes were always the same. Dead. Soulless. Lacking Life. Nobody has ever caught on though.

Neru was living alone at the time. Her brother was studying abroad for music while she stayed home, making money off of her covers, mainly of Miku. She did go to concerts from time to time, but not often. Because even though she gets praised for such a lovely voice, she didn’t even know if she liked singing. She only wrote “Stop Nagging Me” as an attempt for a joke, and never wrote a song again. All others were commissioned. All she really wanted was to be happy. But she didn’t even fully understand what the word meant. 

It was the morning after the sleepover. Neru just got home and decided to lay on her bed. She contemplated everything that happened last night. Her jokes, her words. Her lies. She thought about everything she said, everything she did, and how people believed that was the real her. Some of them called her a tsundere, and in a way, she was. They would just never know that her true feelings were nothing.  _Is it really okay to lie like this?_ she thought to herself. 

“Maybe,” said a voice. Neru jumped into a seating position at the sound of another person in her room. She didn’t remember inviting anyone else. “Yet, at the same time, you wouldn’t have your so called friends if you told the truth.” Neru scanned her room. She didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Her room was still her room. She was the only one inside. “The mirror Neru.” Neru got off her bed and walked towards her body mirror, which, even though she wasn’t smiling, the mirror was smiling at her. She felt her face just to be sure. The mirror was reflecting her perfectly, except Neru wasn’t smiling. “Weird, isn’t it? To see what you’re not?” The mirror’s lips were moving, and Neru’s wasn’t. Her eyes widened.

”How are you talking to me? Who are you?” Neru asked. The mirror’s smile got wider.

”Why, I’m merely just a girl who wants to be your friend. I’ve been looking for a way to talk with you. Someone to speak for me. Then I thought, ‘who better to talk to you than yourself?’” Neru touches the mirror in disbelief. “It’s not a dream Neru, I’m really here. At least, the most I can be.”

”What do you mean?” Neru asked, starting to wonder if it was a prank.

”I’m just talking through an inanimate object. I’m really in another world. Imprisoned in a reflection of yours by the ones who wronged me.” the Mirror stopped smiling and made somewhat of a sad face. She smiled again. “But, I’ve been looking for a friend! And now that I know how to contact your world, maybe we could be friends!” 

“Okay.” Neru said. Her face didn’t change whatsoever. The Mirror looked surprised.

”Wait, you didn’t even think about it?”

”Am I supposed to?”

”You don’t even know who your real friends are, do you?” Neru tilted her head “Neru, I think your condition doesn’t allow you to recognize who your real friends are.” 

“I have real friends.” The Mirror raises an eyebrow.

”Really? Then how many people know the real you? The Neru Akita who has no feelings?” Neru thought for a moment.

”Nero-“ she started, but was immediately interrupted by the Mirror.

”He’s blood. It doesn’t count. Who else?” Neru continued to think, but nobody came to mind. She was stunned. The people she hung out with, who smiled at her and laughed at her jokes, never knew the lie. She never realized how bad it was. Even Miku, who has been by her side ever since she joined the Vocaloid community never knew she was lying. She was getting a headache and grabbed her head. “Exactly. They know nothing. But Neru, I know everything about you. I know why you’re like this. And I know what you’re looking for. I can help you.”

Neru lifted her head. “What am I looking for?”

”Why, happiness of course! It’s all you ever think about. Even when your mind is busy, it’s always happiness. I would love to help you get there.” 

“We haven’t even met yet.” The Mirror looked puzzled at that.

”What are you—“ she stopped then realized what she meant. “Oh, you mean you don’t know what I look like. Well, if you do this, you can see me! My way of finding happiness finds happiness for everyone, you know?”

Neru stopped and thought. Could she really trust her? She also wondered why she was being so critical. She was so quick to trust anyone, why was she being critical now? After about a minute, she realized that there might not be any other way to find happiness, so she looked to the mirror saying “Okay.” The Mirror looked delighted, but before she could say anything, Neru stopped her. “But first, I need to know your name.”

The Mirror’s face fell and crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, but my name is shared with someone you know. But for the time being, you can call me...” the Mirror thought until a name popped into her head. “Zhikyu.”

”Zhikyu?” The Mirror confirmed. “So Zhikyu, friends?”

Zhikyu smiles brightly. “For the happiness quest, friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you liked the first chapter of this thing I thought about when I was still new to Vocaloid. Beware, if you still want to read this, it will not have a happy ending. It’s been tagged that. You’ve been warned. Oh, and sorry to turn this from a real life group chat to a somewhat sad story about Neru having a form of Alexithymia. Does such a disease exist? Where people have difficulty feeling emotions, but pretends to express them anyway? I do know there’s emotional detachment, but I don’t know if there was ever a case where people with emotional detachment acted like they didn’t have it. Anyway, I know what I want to do for Chapter 2, I just have to figure out how to write it.


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